Living in Florida for 20+ years, this was surprisingly the first hurricane I’ve experienced, so I really didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare. There have been several hurricanes in the past that were expected to hit us, but ended up further east of Tampa than predicted. In 2004, there were four that went around Tampa and we experienced nothing more than grey skies and mild wind at that time.
I stayed mostly calm amid the chaos, knowing the news reports are typically sensational and overly dramatic. However, knowing I would possibly be alone for this storm, I wasn’t quite sure how calm I could afford to be.
My work hardly allowed me much time to prepare, in fact, they were asking me to work late nights. Fortunately, I’m a bit hermity by nature, so I was semi-prepared to be isolated for days just in general.
The tension in the office was contagious, and it wasn’t until Friday afternoon, when the storm was officially forecast to hit Tampa head on, that we were released to go home. Naturally, I headed straight for Total Wine and stocked up on the booze. Priorities people!
I was able to convince Stephen to come to my apartment and stay with me so I wouldn’t be alone, but Sunday afternoon about 3pm he suddenly decided that he wanted to go back home. That kind of crushed me a little, I felt suddenly abandoned all over again; it was deeply upsetting, that he would rather be with his friends knowing he’d be leaving me by myself. Never have I felt more alone in that moment realizing I literally had no one to turn to during an emergency. I was paralyzed. It was a brutal reminder that I can’t depend on anyone. The fact that I felt hurt though made me realize I needed to back up and deaden my emotions. I believe we feel emotional pain for this reason; to remind ourselves to harden ourselves against the world and stop investing time on other people.
Fortunately, the predicted Cat 3 ended up slowing down to a Cat 1. We were spared something that could have potentially been catastrophic. The chaos now is the pain in the ass of the aftermath. Flooding, debris, power outages, street lights out and idiots on the road, and the rush for food. It’s madness.
By Wednesday, everything was pretty much back to normal. All this insanity over something that lasted a few hours. Granted, it could have been far worse, but the fact that it wasn’t just kind of makes the whole thing feel rather ridiculous though humbling. Humans, with their hubris and superiority bend to the will of this unfeeling, objective, and ruthless force that’s above caring. Though we still try to gain control by anthropomorphizing these things; giving it a name, praying at it, casting blame, telling it we aren’t scared, as if it gives a flying fuck. There’s a sort of perverted fascination to be reminded of how insignificant we are. I’m kind of disappointed it didn’t wipe us all away.
In other news: Looking forward to Inquisition on Sunday, Venom, Inc the following weekend, and my vacation up north the first week of October. Also, results from my re-pap came back negative for cell abnormality! So, can’t complain.