Tag: Personal

November | December

I’ve been pretty awful about sitting my ass down and making a proper post; I’d really like to catch up before the New Year. What I would really like is to get back into the habit of taking my camera around with me again, but the weekends are mostly redundant and not really worth documenting. Bars, shows, shows, bars. It’s been fun, but like I said – redundant. I’ve also been exhausted pretty much all of the time, working 40+ hour weeks and making a dash to get home and ready to head out Friday nights and crashing over Stephen’s all weekend. I leave little free time other than weekday nights where I’m often too lazy and tired to think.

This month has been crazy busy at work, as is usually the case near the end of the month and especially the year. Tuesday I worked from 10:30am to 12:30am the following morning, and I’ll be waking up early tomorrow morning to put in some extra hours. Just thinking about that paycheck. I just got over a pretty wicked flu last week, which ironically, I coordinated my sick days with my boss so I wouldn’t lose my last 8 hours by splitting two half days back to back from home – and I ended up actually being sick; I jinxed myself, but it couldn’t have worked out better.

Anyway, all that is left now is pictures of the past two months! I hope by posting it will motivate me to continue, because I miss this. It’s pretty much my only internet presence these days.

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Hurricane Irma

Living in Florida for 20+ years, this was surprisingly the first hurricane I’ve experienced, so I really didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare. There have been several hurricanes in the past that were expected to hit us, but ended up further east of Tampa than predicted. In 2004, there were four that went around Tampa and we experienced nothing more than grey skies and mild wind at that time.

I stayed mostly calm amid the chaos, knowing the news reports are typically sensational and overly dramatic. However, knowing I would possibly be alone for this storm, I wasn’t quite sure how calm I could afford to be.

My work hardly allowed me much time to prepare, in fact, they were asking me to work late nights. Fortunately, I’m a bit hermity by nature, so I was semi-prepared to be isolated for days just in general.

The tension in the office was contagious, and it wasn’t until Friday afternoon, when the storm was officially forecast to hit Tampa head on, that we were released to go home. Naturally, I headed straight for Total Wine and stocked up on the booze. Priorities people!

I was able to convince Stephen to come to my apartment and stay with me so I wouldn’t be alone, but Sunday afternoon about 3pm he suddenly decided that he wanted to go back home. That kind of crushed me a little, I felt suddenly abandoned all over again; it was deeply upsetting, that he would rather be with his friends knowing he’d be leaving me by myself. Never have I felt more alone in that moment realizing I literally had no one to turn to during an emergency. I was paralyzed. It was a brutal reminder that I can’t depend on anyone. The fact that I felt hurt though made me realize I needed to back up and deaden my emotions. I believe we feel emotional pain for this reason; to remind ourselves to harden ourselves against the world and stop investing time on other people.

Fortunately, the predicted Cat 3 ended up slowing down to a Cat 1. We were spared something that could have potentially been catastrophic. The chaos now is the pain in the ass of the aftermath. Flooding, debris, power outages, street lights out and idiots on the road, and the rush for food. It’s madness.

By Wednesday, everything was pretty much back to normal. All this insanity over something that lasted a few hours. Granted, it could have been far worse, but the fact that it wasn’t just kind of makes the whole thing feel rather ridiculous though humbling. Humans, with their hubris and superiority bend to the will of this unfeeling, objective, and ruthless force that’s above caring. Though we still try to gain control by anthropomorphizing these things; giving it a name, praying at it, casting blame, telling it we aren’t scared, as if it gives a flying fuck. There’s a sort of perverted fascination to be reminded of how insignificant we are. I’m kind of disappointed it didn’t wipe us all away.

In other news: Looking forward to Inquisition on Sunday, Venom, Inc the following weekend, and my vacation up north the first week of October. Also, results from my re-pap came back negative for cell abnormality! So, can’t complain.

The Brass Mug: Shot | The Hub: Funeral System

It’s been a minute since I’ve updated. Been busy with the usual, work. Overtime, doctor’s appointments, metal shows. I’m usually spending my weekends out in Tampa hanging out with the guys. A couple weeks ago we scouted locations to do a photo shoot for their record release (hopefully in October). Last weekend, there was a get together at Giancarlo’s house. He made homemade blood sausage and ham empanadas from scratch. Insanely good. We drank, played Mario Kart, and watched Austin Powers, lol. They headed down to Miami today to play a show at Churchill’s. Pretty crazy, what with a category 5 hurricane rolling in.


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Storage Unit: Street Weave | Funeral System

I’m still recuperating from this past weekend; too much cheap whiskey, beer, and hair thrashing. I had a really good time though. Eli, Adam, and Jenn’s band, Street Weave, played their second show on Friday at a friend’s storage unit. Vomit Sawdust, Funeral System, and Grave Ascension also played. Aside from that, it was a pretty tame weekend. This Friday Shot is playing The Brass Mug, so I’ll be scrambling to get out there after work at the end of the week. Shows, shows, shows!

I’m working on trying to figure out what the hell to do with my week off in October.

fuck im exhausted


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Rewind, March 2012: Pennsylvania | Grandfather’s Wake

Considering I’ve lost so many memories with my previous journal going to shit, I’ve decided I’ll do some throwback updates of older photoshoots, book reviews, travels, etc. I actually had this one planned to post in my old journal before it went down.

This was back in March of 2012, I went back home to Pennsylvania to visit family while attending my grandfather’s funeral. This is my mother’s father. I wasn’t terribly close to my grandfather but I do remember the times I would visit, he’d help me set up little traps in his backyard to capture chipmunks. I’d feed them walnuts and then let them go afterward, just catching them was the challenge. Most of the time I spent there was with my cousins playing wiffle ball, catching lightening bugs, or generally getting up to no good. My grandmother would always be cooking some Hungarian dish or another; she was always cooking!

My grandfather worked the mines when he was younger and as a result contracted coal workers’ pneumoconiosis, better known as black lung which would eventually kill him. My grandmother came over to America during the war; her parents were killed, she fled, got on a boat and never saw the rest of her siblings again. It was around this time my grandfather met her. She never liked talking about her past, so it’s always been a mystery knowing exactly where she was from. She spoke eight languages and never lost her deep European accent. She always made me giggle when she said “little”, she’d always pronounce it “Lit-Lee”. She died from Merkle cell carcinoma, a very rare skin cancer associated with immunosuppression and UV exposure. She was beautiful, they both were.

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Largo | Orlando

There hasn’t been too much going on these past few weeks. Or rather, there has been, it’s just been more or less the same thing (not complaining!)

Last weekend, Funeral System, Grave Ascension, and Vacuous Depths played out in Largo at Sneaky’s Bar. I snapped a few photos, but it wasn’t the best venue as far as aesthetics and lighting goes. I’ve been feeling socially exhausted, I spent most of the night relaxing outside by myself. Randomly, there was a “zazz” band playing, it was unique, kind of chaotic and lent a surreal feel to the night. It was pleasant.

This past Friday, I spent the night with Stephen, Eli, Jenn, Chloe and Adam. We hit up the arcade then stopped by Legion on the way home. Stephen headed to Jacksonville Saturday afternoon as Shot was playing a show that night, so I had to cut my weekend short with him.

Sunday, Danielle invited me and Chloe up to Orlando for a cook out.

I haven’t been feeling well, so I ended up calling out of work sick yesterday, for the first time since September of last year. I slept for about 14 hours, I guess I had a fever because when I woke it had broken and I felt like I had a pillow stuffed inside my head and an elephant on my chest.

I spent the evening with Stephen and Eli at a local strip club; then we cooked out and cuddled up to Night of the Living Dead. When he puts his arms around me and I bury my face in those curls, I feel furthest from the grave and it quiets the constant commotion inside my head. I would never dare tell him how much that comforts me.

Funeral System is playing in South Florida this coming weekend. Stephen invited me to go, but I’m just not in the mood to be around that many people for that extended amount of time. I could probably use a quiet, detoxing weekend in.

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Fourth of July 2017

This is my first -official- personal post since having to uproot and move from LiveJournal. I feel (kind of) like I’m betraying LiveJournal, as that has been my “home” for my photo journaling, on and off, since 1999. However, I feel like I became somewhat stagnant with sticking to the familiar and fell into the habit of using archaic tools. Jon helped hook me up with my old domain and a place to host; I’m thankful with him for that! This is my first attempt at building a blog, so this is the bare bones of trying to tweek something into a decent place to post my photography, book reviews, etc. I’ve struggled a little bit with the available themes, but I think I managed to find something workable.


Drunken pictures from (mostly) the 4th of July weekend and beyond!

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